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Navigating Self Identity B 

Brian Castellani | Jacksonville | Yoganomics

We are forced to accept certain situations in life whether we want to or not.

Usually they are situations that are beyond our control. Sometimes they stem from our own inability to see the truth of a particular situation, but there isn’t always blame to be associated with them, either.

It can be very difficult to understand especially when you are in it.

People don’t always stop believing their own justifications, even despite warnings from people close to us. A person has to be an astute type of person to see the solution, or clearly manage a coping mechanism to these types of life altering situations.  Yet, the majority of people are too unaware to acknowledge the changes that envelop a person… I have been guilty of that before, but not this time.

Inevitably, we make the decisions and we didn’t even realize it. There was never a test, it was just life.  There was nothing that could’ve been done to change the result.  There’s no real story… except the one we tell ourselves over and over and over again. It’s happening to us, individually, in each moment.  

At 41 years of age, what do I have?  What does it matter if I have been copied, because the result is that I have been beaten by far craftier people than I.

I have nothing but who I am.

In the last 7 years of my life, I managed to destroy relationship after relationship, all because of my inability to let go of what I felt I had to do.  It felt right and the evidence propelled me to act, even as it played out so very wrong in my own life.  It was impossible for me to foresee the outcome that would occur. I could only see what I had to do and the next step.

I could only focus on having enough courage to see the task to the finish.

Maybe I can be blamed for being at war, but for many that is what we know.

We are at war with ourselves, war with a negligent world, or at war because we don’t realize the outcome we really desire is to prove we are not numb.

That is why I feel there will never be peace.  Not because we don’t want peace, but because sometimes, what we want is counter intuitive to living.  We want war because life is war.

We are all at war fighting against ourselves, or fighting against what we perceive is threatening us.

Even though I had known I had lost my own war, in the back of my mind, the only options that I could possibly understand is that I had to fight against a totally apathetic system that was stacked against the individual.

No one was ready to fight for themselves.  People complacently replaced logic with a “generic” higher truth of perception.

I tried every way I knew how to wake them up… to see what I see, but no.  I wanted them to listen to the facts, but I recognized the blank stare.

They didn’t, and I question whether they ever heard me, that’s been the hardest thing for me to accept.

If I had been able to admit to myself that I wasn’t making enough of an impact, maybe I could have simply admitted defeat sooner.

 

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